The state of being single is a phase of human existence which should be characterized with proper planning, executing and maximizing opportunities peculiar to this phase. It ought to be utilized towards achieving personal goals and aspirations towards a great future.
In a Nigerian societal context, a single male adult is encouraged to work hard and attain an enviable height as well as financial stability while the female counterpart is expected to bring home suitors as a result of a bizarre assumption that the life expectation of every single adult female is to obtain the ‘MRS’ prefix. This orientation has fostered gender inequality in our society as the men work towards attaining financial stability and build capacity, ladies aim at being married, raise children and take care of domestic affairs which creates an uneven ground to compete. Such societal conditioning results in failed marriages, reoccurring incidence of domestic violence between incompatible spouses and an increased social vice due to poorly raised children. In a society where women invariably give up on achieving greatness and those who dare to aspire feel unaccomplished without being married, transactional marriages abound as a result of financial dependency.
what am I saying? Am not saying that you shouldn’t get married or live in denial of not been married to distract yourself from reality, which makes
you feel good in short term, this only leads to a life of insecurity, and emotional repression. I am saying don’t move about with the victim mentality like it’s a problem. This has made many of us, bitter, depressed and can’t function optimally.
We instinctually measure ourselves against each other and the question to ask is, by what standard do we measure ourselves? What is the life-defining metric? Who creates the metrics? The society? and who is the society? You and I. We measure ourselves by different metrics because of our different values, and values are about prioritization which influences our decisions. For someone buying a house or owing a land defines success to him, and if you don’t have this you are a failure, how can you let this person measure you with his poor metric standard and shitty value? for another it could be getting married , and if you don’t, you are a disgrace and a reproach to your family irrespective of whether you happy or not, to her just get married at all costs and answer his name, if only you know what such poor decision making as caused. The choice is yours, to choose your value by which you would live by and the metric by which you measure your life.
It’s a difficult pill to swallow, but choose your struggle. Learn to enjoy the process, knowing that every problem has a solution, and can be fixed. Note, what is objectively true about your situation is not as important as how you see the situation, how you choose to measure it and value it.
Dear Woman, its high time we come to a number of realizations, and one of those is learning to live above unproductive societal ways, create your values and metrics, don’t let others force theirs on you, pursue and achieve your desired goals before he comes along, knowing that marriage is an optional institution and not a success determinant.
Article Written by Ohakwe Ifunanya Pearl